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2011 in Review


 

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 160,000 times in 2011. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 7 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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The Night I turned $34 into $1,185 (no magic beans involved)


I went to Rum Jungle (recently evicted from Mandalay Bay) with my roommate.

My boy got in a fight with his girl and left.

I stayed. Typical.

I left the club between the hours of midnight and 2:30 AM, details are a bit fuzzy as this was two years ago and I had a few pops that night. I walked out the door and happened to see a blackjack table. The dealer looked lonely.  I reached in my pocket and realized I only had $34.

I was at a $25 table.

This won’t last long (if  I had a nickel).

I didn’t even sit down as I expected to lose.

Six hands later I had six green ($25) chips. Daddy like!

I sat down. I was thinking of the song by Mr. Frank Sinatra, My Way. I continued to “take” the casino and show them who was boss. I was throwing out $25 chips(making it “rain”) left & right. I felt like Diddy in a music video. It was awesome. I love this place.

It was the night before Easter and I had plans with a friend to go to brunch Sunday morning as neither of us have any family out here. He called and called, but I didn’t answer because I was on a roll. I couldn’t lose. I finally answered his call and he came and picked me up around 8:30 AM Easter Sunday.

He was pissed at first but, I explained the story; the Easter bunny (Mandalay Bay) came early this year. I walked out with $1,185.

I love Vegas!

Cat and Mouse in Bangkok


Our friend Jimmy Jam, aka JJ, just sent us an email from his hideaway outside Bangkok. We suspect he has been residing in an opium den for the past six months, he claims he’s become a rickshaw driver…whatever.

JJ was seeing some local girl. Now, girls are girls, regardless of race, creed, or geography. So JJ’s girl; “Byling” is looking for more (surprise). Even though they have a casual relationship, Byling is looking for a better return on her investment with JJ. A few nights ago (after the loving was done of course), as they were lying in bed and JJ  just wanted to fall asleep; Byling starts talking about what if….love, what if….relationship, what if….marriage?

JJ tells Byling that she is a sweet heart. Regardless (as before), he is not looking for anything serious. He left the following morning and received a text from Byling (3 texts actually) stating how much the pillow talk bothered her…but thank you for the honesty.

I told JJ that Byling is trying to threaten a break up in order to get more of a commitment from JJ. Unfortunately, JJ is damaged goods and will not, can not commit to anything beyond what they already have. Byling will do what most girls do; cut it off. I understand where Byling is coming from; she gave it up for a while, but she is looking for something more than a Fuck Buddy. I understand where JJ is coming from, he’s is not interested in a committed relationship. It could be a fear of intimacy or it could be that he doesn’t like Byling that much. Either way, Byling’s ultimatum will not affect JJ too much, as he does not care if she walks away.

I guess regardless of geography; guys are guys and girls are girls; they are cats and we are mouse.

Job in Paradise


A Job on Paradise with Appollo Lightfoot

My first Las Vegas job was at a hotel on Paradise, as a night auditor. I was working to put bread on the table, and keep the landlord away. All in all, though, the one clear memory from my nine-month tour of the hospitality industry is that of my fellow night auditor-in-arms, “Apollo Lightfoot”; a hell of a guy with stars in his eyes and holes in his shoes.

I wouldn’t say that Apollo worked hard. In fact, like it says in the Bible, that boy had a lot of quit in him. He did have that ability, though, that I’ve always admired in lazy people of working smart. He did just enough to get through the shift, just enough to pass along an irate guest’s complaint until the morning shift came in, just enough. I, in the meanwhile would break out into hives if the toilet in one of the rooms started backing up. I sure worked hard; only thing I had to sacrifice were my nerves.

Apollo was comfortable enough around me to cut one, and announce the blessed event with an “I pooed it!” I don’t think he expressed himself so eloquently around the G.M. of the hotel. Even better, Apollo had stories. He was a black man married to a Japanese girl who was the heir to the Sony fortune. He would swear up and down that her last name was actually Sony – before she married him. He had a girlfriend in Las Vegas (while the Japanese wife, Ms Sony, was back East learning the ropes of the “family” business) who was an exotic dancer. To avoid complications, Apollo told his girlfriend “Sparkles” that he was a Los Angeles-based film producer who was scouting locations in Las Vegas. When he would pay her a visit, backstage, he would always bring a suitcase, empty of course, to complete the effect of someone who just happened to be in town.

After I had left the job, I bumped into Apollo at a local bar. He handed me a business card that read: “Apollo Lightfoot, Screenplay Writer and Consulted.”

What’s not to love about such a survivor? Dreams, even of the totally delusional, are the mother’s milk, the last refuge of the damned. Besides, show me someone who says that he is completely content where he is in life, and I’ll show you a liar – or a fool. God bless you, Apollo Lightfoot, wherever you are this starry night…keep swinging.

My First World Cup “Match”


I am a die-hard sports fan. Sports ranks right up there with females, hip-hop and cleaning out my ears after the shower. I don’t have a said order for those fine things in life because sometimes I value one over the other. Sometimes…

I’m not a soccer fan though.

Is it the fact that I sucked at sports when I was younger?

Maybe.

Is it the fact that most girls don’t like them and you get to spend time with your homies?

Most likely. Although the first one is true too.

So when I was invited to go watch a “match” with a few friends at a British pub, Crown & Anchor, I thought, “why not.”

The match was to start at 11:30 and by my boy Rob told me to get there by 9:30.

What?

Two hours?

Really?

I got there around 10 and they stopped letting people in shortly there after. What an atmosphere! Standing room only. I never thought in a million years; I’d watch a soccer match, at a bar, standing up, for 3 hours. With the help of my pocket flask (and my flask, I mean a 20 oz. Diet Pepsi bottle filled with the finest Vodka) I survived. Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself.

Well, we all know the outcome, the US lost 2-1 in overtime(?). Now I am not jumping on the soccer bandwagon, it’s to boring, not enough scoring, too much whining, no replay. I could go on and on. I promise not to watch another soccer game until 2014.

On an unrelated note, this is the last known photograph with A. Dukes and his mullett…

The Man, the dream, the Mullet


It is a sad day for us all. Apparently our boy, A. Dukes is serious about finding employment; he cut off his mullet. Yes, the mullet that set hearts a blaze through out Las Vegas is now buried in a suburban back yard (The sacrifices we make for a paycheck).

On a related note, I started my new job today. As appreciative as I am to find work and make a living, I am reminded of one thing; the new job is everything I thought it would be and everything I knew it would not be. To that end, Dukes journey for employment (aka Operation NoMoGubmentCheez), and my latest venture back into the work force (aka Operation MissMyGubmentCheez), has reminded us both just how fortunate those who love what they do for a living are…and to that end; we continue to write and aspire to that which is greater than a mere paycheck.

Stay tuned!

Memorial services for A. Dukes mullet will be held in his back yard…BYOB.

Check out our New Website!


Unemployed…

Down on my luck…

Strip Clubs have sucked me dry…

Casinos have banned me because they don’t except change at the blackjack table…

Sending out resumes by the dozens has got me no where…

Unemployment is about to run dry, 4 weeks to be exact…

I have decided to chase one of my many dreams….

Work for Jimmy Kimmel.

Please check out the site, http://tweetstokimmel.com/.

Help me chase my dreams and spread the word…

Thank you